Carpet Stains
by Marlicat
Summary: Sirius gaped. "BELLATRIX? How did you get into Heaven!"


**This is not meant to be an ultra-in-character Bellatrix. It's meant to be amusing. So enjoy it!**

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"James, I don't know why you even try," Sirius chortled. "You've never beaten me at Gobstones once, in your entire life or afterwards. I am The Master of Gobstones."

"There was that once in fifth year." James reminded him, wiping slime from his face.

Sirius scowled. "That was a fluke!" he said angrily. "I was almost dead of alcohol poisoning, and you weren't exactly stone cold sober yourself! We couldn't even see the marbles straight!"

"But it happened!" James said triumphantly. "_It happened_."

"Whatever," Sirius muttered. "A fluke..."

Sirius and James sat in the floor of the Potters' living room, leaning over a Gobstones set. It was true that, in the entire history of James's and Sirius's rather impressive Gobstones-playing history, Sirius had beaten James every time except once, on a Tuesday at 1:37 a.m. in the month of November. As Sirius proceeded to squash James in a rather less light-hearted mood than before, however, the two friends were interrupted by an unexpected and unwelcome visitor.

"Hello, Sirius," a cool voice said. "Dora said you'd be here."

Sirius jerked so suddenly and violently that he sent the Gobstones set flying across the room, where it spurted disconsolately all over Lily's carpet. Although normally when a mess of this magnitude occurred the duo would be desperately concerned about how they could save their manly dignity from Lily's ultimate wrath, at this particular moment in their afterlives they were far too preoccupied with the identity of their visitor to worry about so trivial and utterly defeated, tarnished and pointless a subject.

"You!" Sirius spluttered furiously. (Although of course later Sirius would deny ever having spluttered; it was NOT something that Sirius would be caught _dead_ doing.)

"Yes," said that calm, feminine voice. "Me. Can I come in?"

"_NO_, you can't come in! You killed me! _How did you get into Heaven?_" Sirius fumbled pointlessly for his wand; he could _Avada Kedavra_ Bellatrix all he liked and the only thing that would happen was an amusing green fizzle.

"Apparently my love of puppies counts for a lot of Redemption Points; also, I've been insane my whole life. Isn't that strange? You think you've got the right of things..." Bellatrix trailed off. "Anyways, Sirius, Nymphadora didn't hold a grudge- neither should you. And shouldn't my entrance or denial thereof be decided by someone who owns this house?"

"I own this house and I say you can beat it," James said firmly.

"JAMES!" Lily yelled from the backroom. James paled._ Oh God- the carpet!_ "I said she could visit! She wants to make up, and it's not like she can hurt you."

James frantically began _Scourgify_-ing the carpet, saying to Sirius between desperate mutters, "Sorry mate- out of my hands- if Lily sees this!"

"She's unusually kind, isn't she?" Bellatrix wondered bemusedly. "Strange. I almost find it hard to believe that I once thought she was a disgusting cockroach."

"Almost?" James glared.

"Well, on with the apology, then, so you can leave!" Sirius snapped.

"Alright," Bellatrix said. "I'm sorry for killing you, first off, it was quite rude. And I'm sorry for taunting you before that, and for being cruel to Harry before that, and for killing those Muggles you were talking to, and for torturing your friends into insanity, and for killing the McKinnons- I know you were friends with the girl- and for killing Fabian Prewett, and torturing and killing that Bones fellow, and torturing and trying to kill you. And I'm sorry for all the other people I killed and tortured, too, I know you wouldn't like that. I'm sorry for torturing those first year Muggleborns and using the Conjuctivitis Curse on you the day after, and I'm sorry for hexing your friend there into a coma, and I'm sorry for convincing Pettigrew to betray you all- he really didn't want to, you know- and I'm sorry for turning that girl you were snogging into a platypus and torturing her..."

And on and on and on it went. Eventually Sirius rolled his eyes and went to help James try with no small amount of desperation to rid the carpet of it's nasty green stain. Bellatrix didn't appear to notice, but kept on rattling off apologies, looking serenely mournful, hands clasped in front of her.

"... and I'm sorry for calling you a Mudblood-lover and a blood traitor all those times, and for hexing that Muggle girl you were talking to at the park, and for making you climb that tree when you were five-"

"Alright!" Sirius roared. "_Alright!_ I get it already! You're sorry! I forgive you! Now please, _shut up!_"

"You know, that's exactly what Dora said." Bellatrix smiled. "Do you really?"

"Er-" Sirius stopped. He cocked his head to the side and thought about it. "Yes," he said finally, blinking bemusedly. "I suppose I do."

Bellatrix beamed. "Wonderful! I'm so glad! I'd been wanting to come apologize for the longest time, but I just felt like you wouldn't want to see me, but Dora finally talked me into it, and she was quite right, wasn't she? By the way, if you want to clean that properly you're going to have to stop the Gobstones set spurting everywhere first."

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**Yes, I realize Bellatrix would go to Hell and I realize she sounds more like Luna or Hermione than Bellatrix. Again: Amusement factor. I'm pleased with the end result. But I don't know if you are, and I never will, unless you review...**

**Marlicat**


End file.
